I’m aware of this, as I’m sure are most people. The problem is that while it can be easy to put yourself in someone else’s shoes after the fact is is almost impossible to do so as events are happening.

The below story is one example of this:

I am coming up to the end of my current contract and have started to look at what other jobs are out there. The first thing I did was contact the recruitment agents I spoke with when I was last looking for a role.

It was with great distress that I got an email back saying they “did not feel comfortable giving me details about the roles they had”. I was both shocked and a little horrified - the last thing I wanted was to start upsetting recruiters, they are, after all my primary source of jobs.

When I sat down and thought about why the recruiter felt this way, I was able to put together the following timeline of events:

Apr 2014 - Feeling down about the contract I was in, I started talking to recruiters and looking for alternative employment. I had a number of conversations with various recruiters, one of which was to mention a possible job that would involve me working with an ex-colleague - this job is central to the story.

May 2014 - Having no luck with interviews I did, and advised that the role with my colleague was a non-starter at this stage. Together with my current role picking up, and major holiday plans for June, I decided to leave job hunting for the moment.

Jul 2014 - My ex-colleague invites me out for a beer and asks if I would be interested in a potential project. I say yes having forgotten the previous conversation with the recruiter.

Aug 2014 - After some serious delays to the start date, I start work at the new company with my ex-colleague.

So perception, I didn’t go out to steal from the recruiter - which is effectively how they see it - by not referring the contract back through to him. I can see his point of view, and would most likely feel the same way if I thought someone I was trying to help was effectively stealing from me.

Does the delay between the recruiter mentioning the possibility of a role and me taking it - 4 months - or the fact I did not go out to intentionally screw the recruiter in any way counter this fact.

Is there a limit past which this would be acceptable - if I took a job a year after a recruiter had mentioned the possibility of it, would that make it alright, or is there still an onus to ensure the recruiter gets paid?

Should the recruiter had said something at the time - I feel pretty confident I would have realised he was correct and done my best to get the contract through him.

All I have here are questions. The only thing I know for sure is that one avenue of employment is now shut to me and this will potentially mean loss of income for both myself and the recruiter in the future.

Hopefully, this story will help guide your actions in the future. Not specifically related to stealing jobs from recruiters - I would of course advise against that - instead I would suggest that we should all try to understand other people’s perception of the world and our actions, as this will ultimately make the world a better place.